Freak Funda One: Fat To Fit To Unfit To Fatter To Booooom To Thank God I Am Intelligent

Missing something; first check out the Freak Funda link HERE !!

Lets start with the Freak Funda One! Fat to Fit to Unfit to Fatter to Booooom to Thank God I am Intelligent :O

Fitness isn’t a one day job. It requires a lot of discipline, will power and time management; especially when one is professionally or academically fully occupied. As evident from the plethora New Year blogs on fitness resolutions; becoming fit and maintaining the state is a real scrimmage. Nevertheless, with much awareness on fitness, nutrition and exercise; there are many who follow their strict routines and maintain themselves. But then there is a lot which is dominated by XL sizes, cheese and couch love. Most of us drop in here from time to time and once here, it is a freaking struggle.

The fact is that we do understand the significance of fitness in our lives; yet sometimes the attraction from the other unfit side is just too much to handle. For instance; when a couch and movie is on after a long day of work, it is just too hard to say no and go out for some burpees. It is as if the fit zone is the family home which is right and organized whereas the unfit zone is the hostel which is… well not the same!

So what is it that attracts us to the unfit club? Why is it a struggle to be fit, to eat right and to exercise? What kind of Fundas do we invent in our mind during the Unfit to Booooom stages?

 

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Hypothetically (or not), lets say we are fat and we go to a club. Funda one begins as we get dolled up.

The Funda right now would be that if we are wearing something nice, it would probably mean that one of our body parts is squeezed and crying for help. Consequently now, there would just be a few possible body postures in such a situation. This means that we could either sit or stand. Any change between the two would require a visit to the nearest restroom. Finally, a decision is made to remain seated till the time we hear crickets in the club.

We grab the menu card from the table as this seems to be the easiest action. Now, another Funda develops. We start believing that if we are uncomfortable, we must be looking good; and if we are looking good, we are fitness freaks. With this thought, we look for the healthiest and the most attractive option in the menu. Finally; we order a transparent drink, cross our legs to make the blood sucking stilettos visible and get busy in a conversation.

With time, the peak of summers hits us. Nevertheless, we continue to wear the jacket as otherwise; the bust or tummy may be visible from between the buttons. The sweat drops start rolling down our nose and cheeks but we continue the conversation with our jacket on till the point we are red and soaked. At this stage; our feet has committed suicide, our body has been suffocated and our face is crying. So one can imagine, the sight is anything but beautiful.

 

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At this point, a suggestion to dance is straightaway rejected as we need to assure the freedom of at least one body part i.e. the hand region. Our hands need to be living if we have to reach home. As we worry about the health of our hands, a big bowl of vanilla ice cream on a hot plate of nutty chocolate brownie arrives on the table. As if this wasn’t enough, the waiter with the devil horns blissfully pours some taboolicious hot chocolate sauce on the virgin-like-white ice-cream.

The truth surrounds us. We know if we chomp this, the button would probably pop out from the jacket. So, we have just two choices. We could either eat and pop or we could avoid and continue with the conversation in utter discomfort!!! As we see the sauce melting into the ice cream, we rationalize our new Funda that at least if we eat and pop, one body part would be released from the chains of death. But if we shun this yummy pleasure, we may have more time socializing and lesser time in the restroom! And then as the ice cream starts melting on the brownie, it is a sudden action over decision. Alas, chocolate wins over everything else. As we lick the last spoonful, we do pop but we are in chocolate heaven. To hell with the rest! To hell with fitness!

Doesn’t take much time for the night to end and the next day to begin!  The day when we hit our head on the merciless weighing machine! The day when we realize the Fat stage which started a while ago has now arrived at the Fatter Stage!

 

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Once here, hormonal imbalance along with an over active brain forces our routine to aim for a Super Fit Stage. This is the stage when we learn too much for our body to process. If we hear a Yoga guru about the benefits of doing 25 Surya Namaskars in a day, we would probably be doing 50. If we hear Zumba is better than Yoga, the 50 would become 0 and Zumba will happen twice a day. From 2 Rotis, we come to a sad Tomato! Our YouTube recommendations switch to workout videos, Memo pad fills up with diet charts and weight records!! Our profession switches to weight loss, entertainment switches to weight loss, family time switches to weight loss and our education switches to weight loss!

 

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We do lose kilos and bask in the fitter glory… but these Fundas live for a very short period till the time we switch Zumba to a walk in the Mall, Potato replaces Tomato and Diet Charts gets dumped in the Archives folder. The Gym Pajamas which were loose before will now become the reason for public wedgies as soon as we get off that damn exercise bike! This drastic switch in our routine gets us to the Unfit Stage very quickly. This Unfit stage is perhaps the most vulnerable one as it leads us to the Fatter and Booooooooom its me Stage!!

 

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It is when the ‘O’ shaped clothes return to the closet; couch love is at its peak and online shopping feels the best way to buy anything. Kitchen becomes the favorite hangout and going out is the same as going for a space walk… both require a lot of clothing, a lot of preparation and a lot of courage! Having experienced the death trap in the club at the Fat stage, going clubbing at the Booooom stage would certainly make us a ghost!

This stage is actually the time when people get a long term membership in the Plump Club! The club members have some fabulous Fundas like ‘We aren’t flabby and careless but cute and carefree’; ‘Delay will postpone the relay and give you time to choose another way’; ‘Variety dominates over consistency’ and the club motto is bravely worn by all which infers ‘We are comfortable in our skin’.  The Boooom stage makes us value our own intelligence more than appearance. We believe our brains have more important agendas in life than carving our bodies. Procrastination and denial are our attitude buddies whereas action and commitment are our forgotten forefathers. Exercise would seem like an unrealistic dream and our daily grocery bags would always be filled with Ready to Eat, All Things Sweet and Fatty Meat!! Although supremely unhealthy and undesired, this stage is loved at least in the beginning. This is because as per the Booom Funda, we are already unfit so we believe a few more days in the Plump Club would give us another time to introspect. And then every day, we have a Tomorrow!

 

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So it is pretty easy to decode that the attraction to the unfit club is because it is a tolerant and lenient zone. It doesn’t thrive on rational thinking, rules or any kind of commitment. It is perhaps the girlfriend that wants us all the time and is still allergic to ‘the ring’! It is just about going with the flow and accepting us for whatever size, shape or fitness levels we are.

Well this should be the Funda for all of us. Accepting us for who we are is what we all need to stay happy. But if we are maintaining a body that restricts our choices and hampers our health, that isn’t accepting but ignoring ourselves! We can be 45 kilos or 90 kilos, all we need is awareness about the body and weight that makes us feel fit! (That’s all with the Preach Funda!!)

 

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So we may be fit…unfit…fat…fatter…boom…or plain intelligent but we never really let go of our ability to present justifications; our ability to present our Freak Fundas! Can the readers remember any Freak Funda from their fitness struggles… do drop the fun ones in the comment section.

Until then; on behalf of all the fellow fitness strugglers, let our Funda be out in the universe that currently we are trying our best to feel fit! (However, please don’t come to check on us!)

Cheers 😀

 

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